Tuesday, August 9, 2011


My baby fever started about two years ago. 

I could not stop talking about babies, thinking about babies, dreaming about babies; my whole world was in regards to babies.

Even though, my husband and I knew we wanted to have a family, I did not expect to have a time frame. I felt that if I wanted a baby, it should just happen right then. 

My husband had a different plan. He wanted to plan our pregnancy.

I was sad, and thought "maybe if I keep pushing him to have a baby, he will just go for it"; well I learned that it does not exactly work that way...

Wouldn't it be fabulous to have a magic wand so dreams about pregnancy are able to come true right away! 

I told my husband I was not planning on taking BC anymore. He agreed and did not fight me on this. We weren't planning to have a baby nor were we trying to have a baby; however, deep inside I really HOPED that  we would get pregnant while I was not taking BC. 

This is where my roller-coaster ride started. 

OH my.... riding an emotional roller-coaster is the hardest thing ever! Even though, we were not trying to get pregnant, my hopes of becoming a mom made me spent lots of money on pregnancy tests during these past two years. 

I would often tell my husband how I knew I was pregnant because I was late, I felt sick, I was tired all the time, etc. I honestly cannot count how many times I went to the doctors because I was for sure pregnant. My poor doctor had to deal with me for these past two years; always having to tell me, "No, you are not pregnant" 

and my husband had to keep hearing me cry every night! 

About two months ago, I looked myself in the mirror and felt so fat that I knew I had to make a change. I went to the doctors and told him how I gained  A LOT of weight during the last couple years and I was not exactly happy with my looks (not to mention I was terrified that my weight was the reason for not being able to get pregnant). He started me on a medicine and here I am, almost two months later, and 30 pounds lighter... I feel great, and energetic! But I am missing something, and the truth is...

I am not going to feel truly happy until I am pregnant!

My husband finally said the magic words: " let's get pregnant!" I never thought I would hear these words coming from him (at least not anytime soon). Did he just really tell me he wants to actually try having a baby? Someone please wake me up!

Am I dreaming? Nope, it was not a dream, it is true! 

My DH wanted me to go to the doctors prior to TTC. I needed to make sure I am healthy... my doctor asked how long I have been trying to get pregnant, and I told him that even though we haven't been officially trying, it has been about a year. He looked at me and then-

My doctor gave me some literature on infertility. SERIOUSLY!!!! the worst piece of paper any women can receive from the doctor's office. I cried my self to sleep EVERY night. But I was not ready to give up on my dream and start taking medications to start a family just because my doctor referred me to a fertility clinic. So, I started to do some research and I came across a lot of good blogs about pregnancy, infertility, etc. 

I spent endless hours reading other people stories, and I was convinced to not give up by reading oh happy miracle... The best blog about pregnancy, its struggles, and the courage it takes to go through infertility. 

I started to educate myself and perhaps the problem was that I did not know when I was ovulating. I am irregular, VERY irregular! So I started to use OPKs... well, I got a lot of negative results... that was, until this past weekend! I finally got the POSITIVE OPK I have been waiting for... so perhaps I am not infertile, maybe I was just doing "it" when the time was not right!

Ahhhh, I am a little relief! I can now say that I ovulate (at least this month)... now, let's hope that my DH and I can actually become pregnant naturally; if not this month, soon.

So, I am officially a baby making machine! 


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