Happy New Years!!!

I hope you are enjoying your last day of 2011. Thank y'all for the amazing support you have provided me and my husband this past year.
I hope our dream of being parents becomes a reality on 2012...
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Happy New Years!

CD 21 / 7 DPO

Progesterone test done this morning; won't know the result until Tuesday!
To say, I am emotional today, is an understatement...
I truly do have the best husband ever. When I tried crying this morning, because I felt these cramps indicate AF is coming, he just hugged me and said, "It is okay; even if it doesn't work out this cycle; there is always next cycle".

I am still holding onto the little hope I have left within me!
I am still praying this is it for us :)

6DPO

I have a doctor's appoinment tomorrow and I am freaking out.

Also, oh my... I have been cramping on and off. It started two days ago, but they were tiny-mild-almost-not-there cramps (you get the picture)...they were so mild that I thought I was for sure making it up.

But that was not the case last night. I was cramping throughout the night; it was so bad, that I woke up a few times. It is way too early for AF cramps, so...

Could this be a good sign?

Maybe implantation?

No brown spotting or anything, but you know what they say, implantation can occur any time from 5-12 days past ovulation, and since I am hopefull this cycle,

I am concluding it WAS implantation cramping :-)

5DPO

and going insane! Is it January 5th yet?


Click, click, click...

Merry Christmas!

I hope y'all are enjoying your time with your family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Update!

You guys have no idea how much I appreciate your e-mails, comments, tweets, etc. Thank you for all the prayers! Before I leave my mother-in-law house, I figured I will give you a quick update on what's going on. I had an ultrasound done on CD13 and had a few follicles measuring at 21mm. I was so worried on CD11 that my follicles were not big enough, but I guess my body is responding well to the Clomid on 50mg. On CD13, the doctor gave me the trigger shot (HCG)... My arm hurt so bad afterwards, my dear husband thought I was being a baby. But it really does hurt.
I got a positive OPK that night, and a negative one the following morning. So, my doctor was right when he told me I would be ovulating in 36 hours; that would have been 3:00am today. As mentioned earlier, I had some mild cramping. They bothered me a little bit, but once I was able to fall asleep, I felt just fine. We followed the doctor's instructions as far as timed intercourse and now are in the two week waiting period. I go back to the doctor's on Dec 28th to check my progesterone levels and determinate if I ovulated or not.
I am guessing the mild cramping was my follicle(s) rupturing and the egg(s) being released; who knows! I do not know what it feels to ovulate since I haven't ovulated before. So, here I am, taking it easy, and crossing my fingers and praying that this is it for us :)

Restless Blog Hop

I am co-hosting the 'Restless Blog Hop' this week with

::Young & Restless::

I am so excited for Christmas. I still cannot believe it is only a few days away.

What are your plans for Christmas?

I have a few family parties to go to!

I hope everyone is having a fabulous Friday :-)

So link up to this week 'Restless Blog Hop'...

Use your blog, twitter, facebook, etc

Can't wait to meet new blogger here!!!

RULES:

Grab this button and display it somewhere on your blog for the weekend.

Its smart to do a special post and in that post introduce yourself for all the hoppers coming to your blog!

Please be a follower of my blog 

and please be a follower of the host!!!

My Doctor is so...

I am ANGRY! and here is why...
I have been interacting with a lot of women who are going through fertility treatments on twitter (love twitter) and we shared our stories and what we are going through; its a support group. I was twitting about being on Clomid, side effects, etc. I received a direct message asking me if I am getting an ultrasound today. huh? an ultrasound, why? So, I started getting more messages about this.
I quickly turned to Google and typed "CD 11 Clomid Ultrasound" or something similar... within seconds, I found over 1000 hits on having an ultrasound done on CD11 when on Clomid to measure my follicles and check my lining....

This is all interesting to me since my doctor did not mention anything. I patiently waited for his office to open and called to DEMAND an ultrasound... well, I didn't really demand the ultrasound! But confirmed that; in fact, I needed to get this ultrasound :tears, tears:

I politely told the receptionist that I was not aware I needed this ultrasound and why was I finding out this information from the internet and not my doctor. She did not have an answer other than the doctor is busy today so he can't see you. EXCUSE ME! no, no, no, no... The doctor WILL see me today. Not only did he neglected telling me about this, but my whole cycle could have gone down the drain if it was not because of TWITTER.... TWITTER Y'ALL!!!

Okay. So I told her I was coming with or without an appointment. She agreed to see me in the afternoon. I told her that since I just found out about needing to come in today that it would have to be after I was done with my work; which is what I did.

So, I went to the appointment and the doctor acted like everything was normal. He did the ultrasound and simply just said, "there are a lot of follicles, one measuring at 12mm and another one at 10mm; please come back on Wednesday, depending on the follicles size, we may do a trigger shot".... hmmm okay, so is this information good or bad? I do not know...

At this point, I do not know where I stand in this cycle. My question, is 12mm and or 10mm follicles a good thing? I would love for you to share your story if you know anything about this.

Click to vote :-)

Currently

1. My most favorite "little thing" is finding my husband reading baby blogs, articles, magazines, and books. It is just too cute; I love it!

2. I'd give anything to be pregnant right now.

3. I can't believe I am the reason why my husband and I are not pregnant yet. Stupid anovulation diagnosis. 

4. The one thing I'd like to achieve today is putting away my laundry (did not happen though).

5. The last thing I want to do today is catch up with my class (bad, I know!)

6. If I were writing my own blank today, it would say:  "If I could buy one thing, it would be ________"

7. My favorite candle scent is anything Yankee Candle... My favorite scent during Christmas is Balsam and Cedar


click, click, click to vote :-)

Dear Clomid

You better make me ovulate because since I started taking one table of you a day, I have been having a pretty bad headache and hot flashes at night.

CD1

So here we go again! I am officially on CD1... to say I am scared is an understatement. 4 more days until I start my first round of Clomid. I pray and hope this works.

Here is our plan:

• Clomid CD5-9
• Preseed 
• OPKs; starting CD8
• SMEP; BD'ing starting CD8 
• and our doctor's recommendation to BD 36 hours after the "smiley" face appears

Praying for a smiley face! Wish us luck :-)

Click below to vote,

...Nathan is on the phone with his mom!

Me: I can't believe your brother bought a new car, what is it?
Nathan: Jeep Commander
Me: Your mom said it has three sunroofs? 
Nathan: I don't even know why he needs such a big car; half of the time the back seats on our car are down; I don't even bother putting them up.
Me: Hopefully next year, we will have to make sure the back seats are always up.
Nathan: Oh no! we WILL have the seats always up by next year; with a car seat and our baby.

Have I tell you how much I love my husband? ALOT
I love how positive and hopeful he is about us becoming parents soon :-)

RANT

WARNING: 

Read at your own risk 

I am loosing it. I have never been this uncomfortable in my life. Every single part of my body hurts. My breasts are killing me, can't sleep at night. The cramping is just getting worse by the day. I called my doctor and he advised I take another pregnancy test. I did and it was  negative.
Last night, I went to sleep telling my husband how it is not fair that I am hurting emotionally and physically; and he is not. He just gave me a big hugged and told me he loves me. I know he gets frustrated when I cry. Believe me when I say, I understand it must be annoying not knowing whether or not your wife is going to have a good day or not. Part of me feels like I miss the "old" me, the "me" that did not cry every time she saw a pregnant women, the one that did not ask every single day "why me?".

I have an amazing husband, the greatest for sure! He supports me in every way he can. His mother and father are the best parents-in-law a girl could asked for. They are there for me not matter what.

When I first found out that I was not ovulating and saw a big circle on the word "infertility". I needed my parents. I called my mom that day to ask if she knew where my dad was. I wanted to talk to him so bad. At some point, I almost felt like I needed to talk to him. My mom told me that she was talking on the phone with him, and I asked if she could tell him to call me. She quickly replied, "for what". See my mother has never been supportive of my decisions, so I feel more comfortable talking to my dad. I just said, "nothing, just want to talk to him".

I waited for his call, tried calling him again, but no answer. I then called my mom back and asked if she told my dad to call me. She said, "why do you need to talk to him". I lost it, started crying and simply said, "I want to talk to him about my doctor's appointment". She asked if I could tell her about it. Knowing my mom's feelings, I told her "no" because I know how she feels about my decisions. She quickly replied, "you need to go to a psychologist, you are psychotic" ---this is exactly why I do not talk to my mom about what I am going through. I just cried and cried while I listened to her called me almost every name written on mental health and then hung up.

Nathan's mom response when she learned my diagnosis: "Sweetie, everything is going to be okay!"
-that is all I wanted and needed to hear from my parents.

Instead, I feel like a "stranger" in the place I once called home. I would love to write that my parents and I are best friends, but we are not. In fact, I told Nathan yesterday that if he ever ever leaves me, I would have no family, because the only family I have is his. He quickly replied, "that is not true, because you are family. You are not just family because you married me".

I understand not everyone knows how to deal with infertility. I would expect a change on my friendships, but not a change on my parents. Infertility already brings all kind of insecurities to you. I honestly did not need my parents non supportive opinions; I just needed their love.

I got all excited two days ago when I saw my mom was calling me. I did not pick up since I was in the car with Nathan and called her back later. I haven't talk to her since the day after 'Thanksgiving' and the only reason why she called was to ask me for a ride to the metro station because she was planning on going to NY. I told her I couldn't, I haven't heard back from her since. :sigh:

Before knowing the diagnosis

After knowing the diagnosis

Can you see the difference on my smile?

Before the diagnosis, smiling was not hard

Now, it feels like a chore!

"For nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37)

                   

Currently

Obsessing over: red hunter boots, infertility, ovulation kit, iTouch, pregnancy, and Christmas lights.


Working on: finally starting my school work, and catching up with e-mails.


Thinking about: my grandfather, my hubby, and a baby.

Anticipating: being pregnant, giving birth, and motherhood.

Listening to: whatever song my husband has playing downstairs, and Chloe barking!

Drinking: water

Wishing: for a baby


Don't forget to vote below :)

...cramping?

...CD37, BFN on CD31, 3 Provera pills left, waiting for AF, and trying to stay positive!

First round of Clomid, CD5-CD9 = an anxious, scared me

I have been doing a lot better lately. I haven't cry in a while :) I have hope that things will work out for us. I try not think about ovulation, fertility, etc. But it has been hard these past few days. Since I started taking Provera, I am so uncomfortable!  It is almost like my body does not want me to take them. I am cramping all day every day. I cannot sleep on my stomach because my breasts are sore; really sore! I love hugging my husband, but for the past week, I have to tell him to be careful when he hugs me because it hurts. 

Is this even normal? I am calling my doctor's on Friday if it does not go away. Being this uncomfortable sucks and reminds me every day that I am not ovulating. 

I hope you all are having a great week so far! Good Bye November, Hello December! 

...Can you guys believe there is only 31 days left this year? 

Click below, and vote :-)