Pregnant or Delusional?

So this cycle has been crazy! It was really hard for me to track my ovulation day... some days the lines were dark on the OPKs but not as dark as the control line. That happen for a few days and then it went to no line at all. So, did I ovulate? I think so, but I just don't know when... my chart is so erratic that I can't follow it yet. I do know that my temperature has been high for two days; if it holds up for 16 more days, then I may be pregnant! The chart does show a dip on what I think was 6DPO... staying positive, that's all I am saying! Also, my doctor told me my AF should be here on 09/16... (I'm irregular so I am not sure how he came to this conclusion)...so if I listen to what he has to say, I am currently 4 days late. No sign of AF expect my boobs are sore.

So my question is, am I pregnant or delusional?

I am asking this because I cried this morning on my way to work because my muffin and banana fell on the floor. I just wanted to eat my breakfast and my world ended when my breakfast hit the ground...
-I am not sure how I feel about crying over a muffin! SERIOUSLY?

ahh, my husband just laughed because it was really funny!

Waiting...

I'm sitting here waiting for the doctor to see me. I have teary eyes as I wait and write this.

The office is small and there are alot of patients waiting. Some are pregnant, some are here with their brand new babies. And some are here just like me with no baby and not pregnant. To say I'm scared is an understatement. I can't quite define my feelings yet.

I can't believe this day is finally here. I'm trying to be positive about this. I really am.

I came to the conclusion that I'm here because I'm being proactive about pregnancy, not because I have a problem.

Fertility Doctor

I sat here for several minutes staring at the computer monitor because I have so many emotions going through my mind as I write this post.

I am sad. I am scared. I feel hopeless. You may think I am dramatic, and that's fine! but this is truly how I am feeling right now.

If you read my blog, you know that my husband and I are trying to conceive our first baby. I finally had the courage to make a doctor's appointment today and tomorrow my TTC roller coaster will take a different turn. I feel like I am labeled as infertile now because we are no longer trying on our own, we are seeking help. Don't get me wrong, I want help; however, with help comes the cruel reality and or confirmation that "something" may be wrong. or maybe no, right?

I have been unable to control my feelings today. And I keep reminding myself that "babies can't have babies" as my husband would say. I need to stop being a baby about this, and be strong. I just need to figure out how :sigh:

I spent hours getting prepare for tomorrow's appointment. I requested my complete medical record to take with me, printed my BBT chart, and have several questions that I need to ask. I do not know what to expect, but I sure hope I don't start crying in front of the doctor.

I am going to be as positive as I can be with this experience. I am willing to do anything and everything so one day I can hold my own baby!

Believe in Something Bigger than Yourself

"For with God nothing will be impossible" (Luke 1:37)

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."- Dale Carnegie

"It's easier to go down a hill than up it but the view is much better at the top"-Henry Ward Beecher

Happy are those who dream dreams and 

are ready to pay the price to make them come true. -Leon J. Suenes

Cancun, Mexico

May, 2011

The Great Sperm Race

If you are trying to conceive, I recommend you take the time to view these videos. It shows the journey a male's sperm goes through from ejaculation until it fertilizes the egg. This made me feel better about the chances of conceiving right when you first start trying because these sperms go through a lot and have a lot of obstacles before they can finally reach the egg. It is an amazing documentary. 

A must watch if you are TTC!

The Great Sperm Race, Part 1

The Great Sperm Race, Part 2

The Great Sperm Race , Part3

The Great Sperm Race, Part 4

The Great Sperm Race, Part 5

The Great Sperm Race, Part 6

ps. don't forget to mute the music on my blog so you can truly enjoy this documentary.

ENJOY!

My Hubby!

This is the love of my life and I when we were in Cancun, Mexico this past May.
I had so much fun while we were there! There were no worries...
It was perfect...
We spent a lot of time together; just him and I
We went to the pool, to the beach, shopping, to the mall, to different musicals, to the bar, to a casino... we did almost everything we could while we were there.

I am honestly one of the luckiest girl ever! My husband is great... he cooks, he cleans, he loves our dog, he is family oriented, he is smart, intelligence, he is goofy, he loves working out... he is loving, caring! The list can go on and on but I will never finish writing this.

I needed to share this because I remember once my grandfather told me that I would know if my love for someone was real because anything he does would make me feel like a queen... and that's how every girl should feel. That is exactly how I feel when I am around my husband, like a queen! Even when he picks on me for being lazy and disorganized.

I am not kidding when I say, my husband makes me a better person each day. He always pushes me to do better- I learn a lot from him, and I know he will be a great father soon.

Actively Trying!

This past week, I have been feeling really sad. I love everything about my life; in fact, life is good! But this TTC journey has hit me harder than any obstacles I ever encountered so far. 

I am in love, I have hopes, and I am happy... yet, there is something missing. 

I desperately want to be pregnant! and that's all I can think about....

I am lucky to have a supportive husband who is willing to do any crazy "recommendation" I read online to increase our chances of conceiving. 

I know my husband will do anything to make me happy, but what if I can't give him the joy of parenthood. I know I am being dramatic, but I can't help but think what if... :sigh:

I am not giving up, I know that... and I know that I feel this way today but may feel different tomorrow. The truth is that I have been feeling this way because I have not gotten a positive ovulation reading this cycle. I am still waiting... and the wait kills me! 

Not only do I have to wait for my ovulation date, but then I have to wait two weeks to confirm pregnancy or to say "hi" to my AF! and then it starts all over again... 

I agree with one thing my husband said a few days ago, if we do not get pregnant by Christmas, we are definitely going on a vacation to Cabos or Cancun... We loved Cancun when we went this past May! 

So here are a few things we are currently doing while TTC:

• We continue to use 'Cycle Beads'- according to this, I am still in the fertile window and have about 5 days left... I started counting the beads when I was spotting, some people tells me that's when you start and some say you start counting the beads when you actually start bleeding... so according to the cycle beads I am on CD15

• We are currently using 'Pre-seed'- I can't say if it works or not yet because I haven't been able to track my O day this cycle yet.

• We are doing the SMEP- started on CD 8 (according the cycle beads) or CD 7 according to fertilyfriend.com ...either way, we are 'baby dancing' every other day

• I am taking my temp every morning at 6:20am even though I still do not understand this charting thing!

My Ovulation Chart

• After 'baby dancing'; laid on bed with my legs up for 30-45 minutes with a pillow underneath me

*** I am using a regular pillow, not the one shown in this picture, 

but I am thinking about purchasing one if needed***

• I am continuing the use of OPKs and taking prenatal vitamins

Here is to all of you TTC: